Week III

UCF Knights (9.5 pt DOG) @ #20 Missouri Tigers….

The Knights finished 12-1 last year and took out a great Baylor football team on New Year’s Day in the “TOSTITOS FIESTA BOWL”. With QB Bortles and RB Storm Johnson opting to leave early for the NFL; the Knights find themsel...ves trying to replace the engine in a 2013 Corvette!!!……Missouri, on the other hand, replaced their 2013 Corvette with a 2014 911 Porsche!!!…..FOLKS,,,QB Maty Mauk and his core of receivers are Fo’ Sho’, Fo’ REAL!!!....I was “Slow to Grow” on the Missouri Tigers last year. Not gonna happen this year!!!!..........Say “Good Knight” to Central Florida!!!……….Tigers win and cover 45-28!!!



Massachusetts Minutemen (16.5pt DOG) @ Vanderbilt Commodores….

This is a “TRAP GAME” for college football fans. It’s Saturday, it’s noon and you’ve been watching College Game Day all morning with Herbie, Des, Lee and Chris!!!!... You’re chomping at the bits for some excitement with your mouth all watered up for FOOTBALL!!! And that’s when it happens!!! You’re just flipping around with the remote control and you stop to watch an SEC football game. And then BAM!!!! With no warning you find yourself watching Vanderbilt of “Old” vs. Massachusetts of “Never”!!! WARING: VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED - The following game contains inexperienced football players and may not be suitable for all adults watch!!!!…Commodores win but do not cover 24-21!!!



Arkansas Razorbacks (2.5pt DOG) @ Texas Tech Red Raiders….

Here’s another classic match-up with two opposing styles of offense. On one hand you got Texas Tech, who wants to “GUN IT” and on the other side you got Arkansas, who wants to “RUN IT”!!!!.....SOoooo, the question for me is; who’s going to “WIN IT”???....Well, the Hawgs definitely know how to root up a football field with RB Collins & Williams and of course, the Red Raiders definitely know how to split the clouds with raining footballs from an all out air raid attack by QB Davis Webb!!!....But in this game, it all comes down to which new coach has mastered his team better since arriving on campus. With Coach Brett Bielema having won 3 Big Ten championships and having 7 out of 8 winning seasons as a head football coach vs. Coach Kliff Kingsbury’s one season; I would have to say Coach Bielema is the Kung-Fu Master in this game. Or if you prefer, Razorback fans------------Kung-Fu Master, Hong Kong Sooie!!! Razorbacks win and pocket the Vegas points 35-33!!!



#6 Georgia Bulldogs (6.5pt FAV) @ #24 South Carolina Gamecocks….

Georgia hits like a “Gurley”!!!....In this case, that’s a good thing!!!...Todd Gurley hits holes and linebackers like a 2ton tank!!!….LMO, he’s the best running back in the country!!!....He has it all---power, speed and vision. The only thing he doesn’t have is a national championship and a Heisman. If either of those two “bucket list” items are to become a reality this year; they must beat the Gamecocks in Columbia this weekend. Expect the Gamecocks to load the line-of-scrimmage with 8 players to stop Todd Gurley. I’m betting that Coach Steve Spurrier is betting, THE HOUSE, on stopping Todd Gurley and forcing Georgia to beat them in the air. Plus, he will probably feed Mike Davis the ball 30+ times this week in an effort to control the clock and keep Georgia’s offense off the field. The 24,000 question is; can Georgia’s passing game capitalize.(TBD) Despite the weak showing from the Gamecock secondary over the past two weeks, this matchup is “Taylor Made” for the Cocks defense!!! Expect an ole fashion cockfight in Columbia this Weekend!!! Dawgs win but do not cover 38-35!!!



Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns (27.5pt DOG) @ # 14 Ole Miss Rebels….

Coach Mark Hudspeth is doing an outstanding job at LA-Lafayette but this is the most talented football team he’s faced since going to Lafayette. Ole Miss is stacked with talent and have dominated their 1st two opponents defensively…..Ole Miss is ranked 5th in the country defensive by only allowing an avg. of 8 points/game……The only thing the Cajuns will be Ragin’ about at this game is when the concession stand runs out of corndogs!!!!...Shackelford, Prewitt, Nkemdiche, Hilton, Lewis, Golson, Elston and Hilton------------“Control the Roll” at Vaught-Hemingway!!! Rebels win but do not over 42-17!!!



South Alabama Jaguars (13.5pt DOG) @ Mississippi State Bulldogs….

Mississippi State’s pass defense was so bad last week you hardly noticed how bad the place kicking was!!!...(YIKES)....Do you even know the odds for missing one extra point in the game???? It’s less than 1%. State missed two and almost missed three. The odds of missing three would have been in the “Let’s go buy a lottery ticket” range. I bet South Alabama’s radio “play-by-play” announcer could do a better job!!!....lollll…..(Inside joke and shout out to my old UNA teammate J.D. Byars which is now the new radio voice for the Jaguars of South Alabama and “YES”; he was the place kicker for UNA and a damn good one that never missed three PAT in one game!!! JD, congrats on the new gig in Mobile!!!) I think Dan needs to work on his kicking game this week; maybe when his kicker misses another extra point he goes over and “KICKS” him in the ass or better yet, the FootBALLS!!!! State’s secondary struggled last week on the big play and this week isn’t going to be any easier on them. South Alabama is only in its 2nd full year of D1 football but has made great strides quickly. Remember this team had Tennessee beat last year and let them escape in the 4th. A 6-6 effort for your 1st year in Division 1 football is pretty solid. But when you consider 5 of their 6 losses were by less than 3 pts, you start to see how good this team is. Their offense returned 8 starters and all the playmakers…At the end of the day; the Jaguars are going to score on the Bullpuppies secondary!!! The problem for the Jaguars is; Dak Prescott and company are going to score a whole lot more on them!!!....So, puppies, go win one for the CRISTIL!!!(R.I.P. Jack).............Bulldogs win and cover 42-21!!!



Southern Miss Golden Eagles (47pt DOG) @ #3 Alabama Crimson Tide….

This game’s gonna turn ugly quicker than two fat kids staring down at the last piece of chicken on a buffet bar!!!........These “Golden Eagle” will be reduced to “Balding Seagulls” before this game ends!!!! Bama’s Sims, Yeldon and Henry will be lucky to play the whole 1st half. This game is all about the prep before hitting 7 SEC games in a row!!!......................The Tide rolls and covers 49-0!!!



Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks (31pt DOG) @ #10 LSU Tigers….

I read once that the cats were one of the most dangerous animals on the planet. Apparently they don’t just kill for food, they kill for sport too!!!............I think that pretty much summarizes this weekend’s game between the Cats and Birds!!!!!!!! The Fluffy Mass Murderers win and cover 45-13!!!



Kentucky Wildcats (17.5pt DOG) @ Florida Gators….

Well, Kentucky fans the 1st two weeks have been “REAL” and they’ve been “FUN”!!! But, this weekend, it ain’t gonna be “REAL FUN”!!!....You were cordially invited by Coach MustyChimp to attend a 7:30pm Gator feeding at his swamp in Gainesville, FL!!!.....What you didn’t realize was; you the bait!!!......SOooo, “She-IT” fixin’ to get “REAL”!!!...Too much Gator “Defense” creates multiple opportunities for the Gators offense which should result in a highlight reel for QB Jeff Driskel!!!……Gators win and cover 42-14!!!



Tennessee Volunteers (20.5pt DOG) @ #4 Oklahoma Sooners….

Smokey and company are leaving the land of “Big Hills” and heading to the land of “No Hills”. Just like an annoying neighbor’s dog barking in the middle of the night, Smokey’s going to be making some noise late night in Norman, OK!!!…Expect the VOLS to make some noise with QB J. Worley and WR M. North hooking up for some big plays!!!…..Ever heard the expression “Stay on the porch if you can’t run with the big dogs!”……Well, that would be Tennessee’s RB Jalen Hurd!!! (He’s only 6’3 221lb and a FRESHMAN!!!) ………And lastly, Tennessee’s LBs AJ Johnson and Curt Maggitt may have 10% Blue-tick Coonhound blood flowing in their veins but the other 90% is pure Pitbull!!!!! These guys will bite you and light you up!!! As everyone knows Norman, Ok it’s the heart of tornado alley; soooooo, expect another outbreak this Saturday night!!!........Because, “Sooner” or later Oklahoma’s QB Trevor Knight and company(Sterling Shepard, Alex Ross and Keith Ford) will start to blow away their competition!!!........Sooners win and cover 45-21!



Rice Owls (31pt DOG) @ #7 Texas A&M Aggies….

Yo, VIP…..Let's kick it….

Rice, Rice, baby,,,,,Rice, Rice, baby, too slow!!!

All right stop, collaborate, and listen

Rice is back with their brand new invention,…(nope, ole Rice as last year)

Something grabs a hold of me tightly,…(that would be Texas A&M’s DL J. Obioha)

Runs like a Baboon, daily and nightly,…(that would be Texas A&M’s RB T. Williams)

Rice, Rice, baby,,,,,Rice, Rice, baby, too cold!!!

Scoring, 55 to 5.0,…………………(that would be Texas A&M’s QB Kenny Hill)

Throws his helmet down so his hair can blow,

Owl cheerleaders on standby waving just to say hi,

Did Kenny stop? Naw, he just ran by…….

Rice, Rice, baby,,,,,,,Rice, Rice, baby, too slow,,,,,,, too slow!!!

Aggies win and cover 54-20!



End of Week Three

Lamar Cardinals (35pt DOG) @ #9 Texas A& M Aggies….

Everybody know who Kenny Hill is now???....NO!!!??? No problem, there will be a re-play this weekend!!!.........................................Aggies win and cover 58-21!!!

Sam Houston State Bearkats (38 pt DOG) @ #12 LSU Tigers….

HOUSTON, we have a problem!!!....Or in this case (problems) - QB Jennings, RB Hilliary and RB Fournette....Texas A&M’s QB, Kenny Hill, was ranked in some polls as high as #1 “dual threat” QB coming out of high school in 2013!!!...Guess who was ranked right behind him-----LSU’s starting QB, Anthony Jennings!!! The talent is there but it’s still raw!!!...Bayou Bengals win but do not cover the spread 49-14!!!

San Jose State Spartans (33.5pt DOG) @ #5 Auburn Tigers….

News ALERT: Gus Malzahn was caught red handed the other night trying to destroy another tree at Toomer’s Square!!!....After police investigated it was discovered that he was merely pulling off some switches to hand out to his players so they could commence with the whippings Saturday night!!! With Nick Marshall available for both halves this weekend; expect a heavy dose of drone attacks from the sky as the tanks, RB Cameron Artis-Payne and Corey Grant, come in for ground support!!!......Tigers win but do not cover 54-21!!!

East Carolina Pirates (16pt DOG) @ # 21 South Carolina Gamecocks….

Well, I think it goes without saying…………Nobody, I mean, NOooooooooobody saw that one coming!!!! Not even Coach Sumlin at Texas A&M!!!!....Have you ever heard the expression “Trap Game”?…….Well, that’s exactly what’s in play this week in Columbia!!! A good East Carolina football team is coming into Bryce Williams Stadium this weekend with a chip on their shoulder. They have a QB by the name Shane Carden and all he does is make it rain touchdowns with his arm!!!(2013 – 33 TDs and 4,139 yard passing!!!)…The Gamecocks could find themselves losing to Texas A&M twice if they didn’t shake off their loss from last week. Obviously Carolina’s secondary struggled last week and it doesn’t get any easier this weekend!!! The Good news is; it’s fixable. It’s not like Steve Spurrier is working with 2 star athletes. The talent is there but they must mature quickly to avoid another poor performance this weekend. With RB Mike Davis out this for this game, the offense will be limited on explosive runs but the team may be more focused on task at hand and actually pull closer together. Defensively-----The only remedy to an embarrassing loss is winning this week!!!....Look for Carolina’s defense to start fast but fade in the 4th quarter!!!…Cocks wins but do not cover 35-31!!!

Vanderbilt Commodores (20pt DOG) @ #15 Ole Miss Rebels….

Just wanting to give a “great big shout out” to new Head Coach Derek Mason at Vandy----1st game as a SEC head football coach and he has already taken the lead in two offensive categories. Most turnovers (7) and lowest rushing yardage output (54)…………….CONGRAUATIONS, you officially sucked last week!!!


Despite Bo Wallace’s best attempt to win the “turnover” title; he was finally able to turn it around in the 4th quarter and put up really good numbers. Defensively, the Rebels completely shut down the Broncos! Bad start but a win!!!....So, no harm, no foul plus beating Boise State will look good hanging over the mantle. On paper this week’s game should be a “blowout” but for some strange reason Vandy seems to always hassle the Rebels when they least should!!!……...I’m betting on a better performance from Vandy but I’m also betting on the same result from Vandy!!!...........The Rebels win but do not cover 35-17!!!!

Nicholls State Colonels (25pt DOG) @ Arkansas Razorbacks….

I learned 3 things watching Arkansas play last weekend?..................... #1-They can still run the football. #2- Opponents can still run the football on them……. #3- Arkansas coach Bret Bielema is “NOT” bulimic!!!....Hawg fans, expect a heavy dose of Alex Collins and Jonathan Williams in this game. Once these Hawgs get into the flow and start ruttin’ up the field; expect QB Brandon Allen to bait the field with WR Wilson, Derby, Hatcher, Henry and Hollister!!!!......Nicholls State’s only chance of scoring in this game is; hanging around the Stadium after the game trying to pick up drunk chicks!!!......Hawgs win and cover 45-10!!!

Eastern Michigan Eagles (39pt DOG) @ Florida Gators….

The only thing that could possible delay this football game more than Eastern Michigan’s “Concrete Wall - Sledge hammering” entrance could be Florida’s weather. Last weekend, the Gators were ready to chomp down on some Vandal hide. Coach Muschamp said his players were jacked up and ready to go. He described the stadium atmosphere as “electric”!!!!! Well, before kickoff the irony of his quote would become abundantly clear-----------Lightning!!!! (And a lot of it!!!)Florida would have to eventually suspend their season-opener against the Vandals of Idaho due to lightning and rain. After standing in the rain for a few hours, Coach MustyChimp decided to get his Gators out of the SWAMP!!! Unexpected “ACTS of GOD” are just part of the game!!!!..........Speaking of which, Eastern Michigan’s only real shot of winning this game is another unexpected “ACT of GOD” at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium!!!!.................................Gators win but do not cover 45-7!!!

Ohio Bobcats (12.5pt DOG) @ Kentucky Wildcats….

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN LEXINGTON LAST WEEKEND???? Did the basketball team decide to show up and start playing football??? Now that I mention it,,,,,I do faintly remember a Kentucky wide receiver going into the endzone to score a TD but instead of spiking the ball he just dribbled the football past the referee and spun back to the goal post and slammed it thru the uprights!!!......Can you even say the words “Kentucky football” and”blow out” in the same sentence????---------and that “still” be a good thing for Kentucky football fans???!!!!??? Isn’t there a Kentucky law on the books preventing those two “word phases” from being married together in the same sentence???? I think its right next to laws preventing relatives from being married!!!......Nice job WILDCATS!!!.....The competition will be better this week but I still like the Wildcat’s chances!!!!…..Kentucky wins and covers 31-14!!!

UAB Blazers (28.5pt DOG) @ Mississippi State Bulldogs….

Alright, what did we learn after feasting on some of Mississippi’s finest Southern Fried Golden Eagles last weekend??????............Mainly, Eagle tastes a lot like chicken when consumed in quarter portions!!! On defense we learned that not only is Chris Jones a rising star but Preston Smith is going to be playing on Sundays next year. On offense we learned that Dak Prescott has many WMDs at his disposal!!! RB Robinson, WR Lewis, WR Wilson, WR Ross, WR Morrow and TE Brown (aka Weapons of Mass Destruction)….We don’t want to read too much into this victory since everyone knows Southern Miss is “weak as water “and has a “Glass Chin” but I believe State’s defense is legit!!!....As far as UAB goes; well the Blazes had a dominate win over rival Troy last weekend. And just for the record, these two teams had to go to overtime last year to decide a winner!!! (BTW - it was Troy, not UAB, who came out on top last year!!!)………………….Needless to say, UAB is going to be better this year and it all centers around their running game. Last weekend both running backs went over 100 yards; this coming weekend, they might both combine for a 100 yards total!!!...................I like state’s defense, but I think they might struggle early with assignment football. But, defense, no worries----Dak gotcha back!!!..............Bulldogs win but do not cover 42-17!!!

Arkansas State Red Wolves (18pt DOG) @ Tennessee Volunteers….

Has somebody been putting gunpowder in ole Smokey’s food bowl during the offseason??? He went a little “LOCO” this past Sunday night!!!!.........Apparently Coach Jones pitched ole Smokey a new chew toy before the game (Utah State) and he didn’t quit playing with it for 4 quarters!!!!! I like Butch Jones and what he’s doing at Tennessee!!! He’s an outstanding coach, recruiter, mentor and motivator and it’s all starting to show on the field!!!……………….Tennessee is going be good very soon!!! Ok, everybody (cue the church music) ----------------“SOON AND VERY SOON!!! We are going 10-n-2!!!” Although, that’s probably not happening this year!!!!......This week, we get to see if last week was a coincidence or an accident!!!!!............ I’m betting it’s a prelude of good things to come for the Volunteers!!!........Short work week, high on last week’s win, keep this game close until the 4th quarter! The VOLS win but do not cover 35-21!!!

#24 Missouri Tigers (4pt FAV) @ Toledo Rockets….

LOVE DEFENSE????------Then don’t watch this game!!!.....This is going to be one those “Whoever has the ball last wins” type games………….I want to call for the upset but I can’t find my balls this week to do it!!! I think last Thursday night; I might have lost one in Columbia, South Carolina and the other one may be somewhere in the south endzone of the football stadium in Nashville, Tennessee!!!....Let’s just say I’m playing it safe this week!!!!..... :`) ....I like Mizzou’s QB Maty Mauk and RB Russell Hansbrough to be the difference makers at the end of the game…(In a close one)……..Tigers win but do not cover 35-34!!!

Florida Atlantic Owls (40.5pt DOG) @ #2 Alabama Crimson Tide….

Attention Wal-Mart shoppers!!! We have a “Blue Light” special for the next 30 minutes on toilet paper, Tide detergent, bathroom plungers and “Harvey Updyke for President” t-shirts. Also, the person driving the 1...984 Camero painted in crimson red plaid with the 10”lift kit; you left your lights!!!! Lackluster, rusty or trouble?..........(NONE OF THE ABOVE)………………………Don’t freak-out Bama fans, It was week one!!! Plus, I think West Virginia was a little under-rated going into this game. With that being said, you won’t have to worry about covering the spread this week. Expect Bama’s 3rd string to come in early and for all of the Bama cheerleaders to letter by the 4th quarter!!!............. Big Al rolls and covers 55-7!!!